OUR TOMORROWS

I MIGHT SEE YOU A DAY PAST  TOMORROW
DON'T ASK FOR ANY TOMORROWS
THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES...
TOMORROW WILL MEAN I AM NO LONGER HERE
TOMORROW WOULD BE TOO SOON


AND DAY AFTER TOMORROW, ALSO TOO SOON
IT WOULD ONLY BRING YOU EMPTINESS
WILL ONLY BRING YOU SADNESS AND TEARS
BETTER, YET, WAIT ,PERHAPS FOR  A YEAR
YOU CAN WAIT A YEAR, DARLIN'
CAN YOU WAIT FOR JUST ONE MORE YEAR?
I PROMISE I WILL RETURN
MY DALIN', I PROMISE I WILL RETURN...

I HAVE GONE, GONE TO WAR
I HAVE GONE TWICE BEFORE
THIS TIME I HAVE YOU TO COME HOME TO
THIS TIME I HAVE YOU...
SO YOU SEE,DARLIN', JUST KNOW
IF YOU WRITE, IF YOU WAIT
I'LL BE BACK, PERHAPS IN A YEAR
DARLIN, MY DARLIN', PLEASE
TELL ME YOU CAN WAIT FOR A YEAR
MAYBE TWO

I PROMISE, I WILL RETURN
FROM WAR
I WILL RETURN CAUSE OF YOU
I WILL RETURN CAUSE OF YOU!
I'LL RETURN CAUSE NOW IN MY LIFE THERE IS YOU...
IN ALL MY TOMORROWS, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE YOU
DARLIN', MY DARLIN', PLEASE TELL ME IT IS TRUE
PLEASE TELLME , IT WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE!

BLESSED WAS I/ BLESSED AM I

Blessed am I, for you were my father
Blessed am I, for you loved my mother
Blessed was I, for you gave me life
Blessed am I, for you taught me to look
To the stars...
In your gentleness, you told me all  the answers
To life's questions would be found there
If I studied, if I challenged, if I dared
All the science, the cosmos,
The spirit  and God!
Blessed am I,  for you taught me a desire to learn
Greater still, you taught me to love ...
Blessed was I
Blessed  am I...

I Don't Claim to Understand , All That Makes A Man a Man

Lyrics
I DON'T CLAIM TO UNDERSTAND, WHAT MAKES A MAN,  A MAN
BUT LOVING YOU,  CAME EASY
I DON'T CLAIM TO UNDERSTAND, ALL THAT MAKES A MAN, A MAN
BUT LOVING YOU , CAME EASY...
I HAD TO LOVE YOU,  FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU

I HAD TO LOVE YOU,  FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU
IN THE WISDOM OF YOUR WORDS,  I HEARD MY FATHER
IN YOUR ZEST FOR LIFE,  I SAW MY BROTHER
IN YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF MY FLAWS,  I SAW MY MOTHER

I HAD TO LOVE YOU , FROM THE MOMENT I MET YOU
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU MADE MY DREAMS COME TRUE
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU BROUGHT SUNSHINE TO MY LIFE
I SEE IT IN OUR CHILDREN'S EYES
IN THEIR YOUTHFUL CONFIDENCE,  I SEE YOUR SMILE, I SEE YOUR STANCE
IN THEIR YOUTHFUL CONFIDENCE,  I FEEL YOUR LOVE, I FEEL YOUR STRENGTH!
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU BROUGHT SUNSHINE TO MY LIFE!

WE HAD AN ORDINARY LIFE: A MOTHER, A SOLDIER'S BRIDE
WE HAD AN ORDINARY LIFE: A SOLDIER, A SOLDIER'S, LIFE
AND THE YEARS WE'VE BEEN APART
WITH AN ACHE IN MY HEART,  I'D LET YOU GO,
 I'D LET YOU GO, I'D LET YOU GO

I'D LET YOU GO, FOR LOVE,  HONOR AND PRIDE
I'D LET YOU GO FOR LOVE, COUNTRY AND PRIDE
OTHER SOLDIER'S WIVES STILL KNOW
THE PAIN OF LETTING GO, THEY LET THEM GO

THEY LET THEM GO, FOR LOVE, COUNTRY AND PRIDE
THEY LET THEM GO, FOR LOVE, COUNTRY AND PRIDE
THIS I KNOW, THIS I KNOW
I'VE BEEN A SOLDIER'S WIFE...
I'VE BEEN A SOLDIER'S WIFE

I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU FILLED MY HOME WITH PRIDE
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU FILLED MY HEART WITH PRIDE!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES A MAN A MAN,
BUT LOVING YOU CAME EASY

DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES A SOLDIER A MAN
BUT LOVING ONE, CAME EASY
BUT LOVING ONE , CAME EASY
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU!

Unshared Futility/ Unshared Pain

IT SADDENED ME,
AFTER HIS DEATH, SADDENED ME MORE...

THIS GREAT, DEAR, HUSBAND OF MINE
DID NOT SHARE HIS GREATEST BURDENS
A SOLDIER, BY PROFESSION,
PROTECTING ME AND MINE
HIS ULTIMATE GOAL

AND ME, STILL NAIVE,  FOREVER OPTIMISTIC...
STILL,  ONLY THINKING  AND REMEMBERING OUR SHARED DREAMS
AND OF DREAMS AND PERSONAL GOALS
I , YET ,STILL  TO FULFILL
A STRUGGLE MADE MORE DIFFICULT BY HIS ABSENCE
RESIGNATION, MY ONLY BURDEN
KNOWING TOO WELL, THE ACHE OF ACCEPTANCE.
THE HEAVINESS IN MY HEART
THE BITTER SWEET PILL OF RESIGNATION

I NEVER REALLY KNEW ALL HIS BURDENS
HOW COULD I?
HE WOULD RETURN FROM WAR WITH A SIMPLE, "HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
I'M HOME!"
HE NEVER SHARED, NEVER SPOKE, NEVER GIVING ME ANY DETAILS
OF THE HORROR,  DEATH , DECIMATION, VIOLENCE
ALL THAT IS INHUMANE ENTAILS

WHY DID HE FEEL HE HAD ALWAYS TO SHIELD ME?
WHY DID HE NOT UNBURDEN ALL
WE HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR SO LONG, AFTER ALL
WAS THIS HIS WAY OF LOVING ME?

HE KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT CHILDREN, ABOUT LIFE
CHILDREN HAD BEEN GOD'S GIFT TO ME,  MY LIFE!
BUT HE NEVER TALKED OF WAR
TO HIM, IT WAS ANOTHER LIFE
A LIFE THAT HAD BEEN HIS,  NOT MINE
BUT. LATER I FOUND OUT THAT HE TOO HAD TAKEN A CHILD'S LIFE
PERHAPS MORE
NOT DIRECTLY, BUT IN CARRYING OUT HIS DUTY
IN PROTECTING, GUIDING HIS MEN
IN GIVING ORDERS HE HAD TO GIVE
WITH RADIOS, COMMUNICATIONS
BY HELICOPTER..I CAN ONLY NOW GUESS

DID HE NOT TRUST ME TO FORGIVE?
DID HE NOT TRUST ME TO UNDERSTAND?
DID HE WORRY THAT I WOULD BE DEPRESSED?
I DID UNDERSTAND, THAT  WAR AND IN VIET  NAM
ONCE HOME...
HE WAS IMMOBILIZED
HE HID , IMMERSED IN HIS BOOKS, IN HIS THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE
KNOWLEDGE HE LOVED TO IMPART
A TRUE, NATURAL TEACHER


FOR THE THINGS HE SAW, THE THINGS HE DID
AND FOR WHAT WAR HAD DONE TO HIM
TO HIS FRIENDS
THE DEATH OF OUR PERSONAL FRIENDS
AND TO ALL OUR SOLDIERS
ONLY TO THOSE SOLDIERS THAT HAD BEEN THERE WITH HIM
THOSE THAT SURVIVED, I WOULD HEAR THE ECHO
OF MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING
"WAR IS A BITCH!"
ALMOST IN SECRET, THEY AGREED
DRINKING COFFEE AT OUR KITCHEN TABLE
SMOKING AWAY. AS IF THE SMOKE WOULD CARRY THE MEMORIES AWAY...
 AND KNOWING THERE WAS NO MORE TO SAY

BUT IT IS THE BURDEN OF HIS OWN
STRENGTH
THE BURDEN OF HIS OWN SILENCE
THAT HE HAD TO ENDURE
MY SWEET, SWEET, "SARGE"... MY SOLDIER OF MINE
A MAN OF PEACE,  IN A WORLD AT WAR
"TO NO MAN, DO HARM", HE TRIED TO TEACH
AND EVEN IN THAT
HE FELL  SHORT; HE FELT HE HAD FAILED

OFTEN BEING TOO HARSH ON HIS SONS
A MAN DOES NOT APOLOGIZE. A MAN LEARNS
HE WOULD TELL ME
A WORLDLY  MAN, WHOSE WORLD WAS HIS CHILDREN
AND A WIFE WHO WAITED

HE DIED A HERO'S DEATH
HE DIED, QUIETLY,
HE DIED SWEETLY IN MY ARMS.
I STILL HAVE A VIVID MEMORY OF  HIS  TENDERNESS IN OUR LAST KISS
I STILL TASTE THE MOISTENED SWEETNESS OF HIS MOUTH

HE PUT DOWN THE LAST BOOK HE WAS CARRYING,
NO LASTING  WORDS OF LOVE.
THIS WAS NOT A GREAT PLAY OR ROMANCE BOOK
THIS HAD BEEN OUR LIFE
ME, ALWAYS REMEMBERING THE STRONG FLAVOR OF COFFEE ON HIS LIPS

HE CAME INTO MY LIFE LIKE A PRINCE
AND HE WAS WEARING A DAZZLING  WHILE UNIFORM,
HE HAD BEEN A MEDIC AT THE TIME
AND WE WERE MARRIED WITHIN 10 DAYS
I WAS SWEPT OFF MY FEET!

AND HE DIED LIKE A KING, IN MY ARMS
HE SIMPLY FOLDED  BACK INTO MY BODY
"JOHNNY, I CAN'T HOLD YOU. I CAN'T HOLD YOU,SWEETHEART!"
"DON'T LEAVE ME", I BEGGED
I HAD  NEVER CALLED HIM JOHNNY BEFORE
AND NO MATTER THAT I TOLD HIM ALMOST DAILY, THAT I LOVED HIM
I WISHED HE HAD HEARD IT FROM ME  ONE MORE TIME
AS IF HE WOULD HEAR IT FOR ALL ETERNITY
PERHAPS, PERHAPS...
IT IS WITH THAT HOPE, I LIVE

A friend once told me" Your husband was a man,  among men!";and ,yes, he was.
It is the soldier my children never really knew, for they came later in his life. But I will continue to write so that they too will understand , not only the father, but the man. My beautiful daughters and my sons are and have been my continued personal heroes. It is a very strange time and place in which to live,  to find that my own children have become, like their  father,heroes of mine.
                                                                                                          Zoila Masiak

The Sounds of Viet Nam

 The sounds of a helicopter, in peace time...as a soldier's wife, music to my ears. It  is different than during the war. There they come with only  loud, roaring sounds of the engine; and to a soldier inside, the whirl of the propeller, the hard slicing of the wind it creates. In Viet Nam, the sounds come with the swoosh of golden rice fields as you fly  too close to the earth, bullets with the horror of gun fire too close by, of soldiers  yelling, screaming. Thinking, is this a war cry? Who taught us this god awful sound, did we hear it in the movies, on TV?  Is this real? Am I the one screaming?
Soldiers are screaming in pain, some just strangely whimpering. There is no more horrific sound than a man wreathing in pain and the sound of his gasping last breath! The rockets are flying and only the experienced ones can judge the distance, know how much time they have to take cover, to throw their bodies to the ground, to cover their heads, often to realize they are being protected by the buddy now dying, shamefully using their now still, limp bodies for more protection.. No  time to think, no time for sympathy:. You lie to yourself, you convince yourself that you will help your  next buddy live; your next man you will help stay alive. You find yourself sobbing, but for whom or for what,  for gratitude that you are alive or the man next to you.? His gasping is too loud, the blood is too much! "Let him die quickly, Lord", is the only prayer you can muster. His is dying is too loud. I cover both ears hard. Hope that it will help, but it doesn't...
  I was only 18, what did I know, what do I understand of this alien world? I was trained, I relished in my accomplishment. I knew I was a good soldier; but this, why didn't the bastards prepare me for this?!They convinced me  I was the best of the best.Why was I not prepared for the last breath my buddies took?" I am just a kid!"I was not prepared for torn bodies, pieces of flesh...of babies crying in the distance.
How about the helplessness, the void, the sounds. I cover my ears, again and again. Let me out of here!I am no longer human.I don't smell like me. I don't breath like a human being. I have been reduced to this? For what? I don't feel peace. I don't know freedom. I am caged in the hard wire of my training and the sounds of Viet Nam. Only another soldier knows, we feel, we are angry, only we never speak of war...
I knew only one experienced soldier who understood. Only one man with whom I could share and even "Sarge" never had to kill another human being, "mano a mano", throw a grenade from a bridge, stab a soldier in his gut.Christ! This is an old man forced to wear the Vietnamese uniform.What have I done? This is the prize of saving my life?...I throw a grenade. It hits and the explosion follows, death follows. Is it three soldiers? Is it another old man forced to don a uniform? ... Is it just a man with his wife and child? The orders were given. Do not let anyone get through. "God let there not be a child too!" I threw my grenade , another hit. . Another  explosion follows. I only see floating pieces of wood and is it clothing? My brain feels hot.It is burning .I hate being a soldier!Fuck this war!What has the Army done to me? They did not tell me about this  fucking, damned shit! I am just a kid. I am just a kid! Father, I am sorry! Mother, help me...
But "Sarge" understood...he listened through the years. He let me talk; he let me cry. He let my voice quiver, holding back the pain.  He knew of men dying, of men crying ,of holding their hands, of kneeling besides them, closing their eyes, as a soldier breathed his last breath. "Sarge" would no longer cry as he knelt by another young man dying...Too many died , too many without a chance to say good by to their buddies, to see their families again.;the Chaplain giving the last rites, to the believer and the unbeliever, knowing they were , we are all children of God. He could still allow a man's tears to fall from his sorrowful, mournful eyes.Each death, another burden he would carry to the alter ...if he survived. They all knew the sounds of Viet Nam, the smell of rotting bodies.,blood in our hands, the heavy thick blood when it was our own. The indecent rapture realizing when it was not your blood.We are no longer human! I think to myself...I survived and I still hear the men screaming, the enemy attacking, still smell the smells. I don't want to remember, but I do.
I had been in a ditch faced down, another soldier pulling me out by the heel. I had been out,I don't know for how long. I remember falling out of the helicopter as it made a hard left turn. I heard  the sound of my body hitting the ground. I had fallen 50 feet. I had been wearing my radio equipment, all my gear... I remember the pain, thinking , my  body is broken! I was saved by my equipment and our men. But I never again felt free...
The Vietnamese soldiers were not my enemy...we were  fellow soldiers. And I had to kill them, had to hate them. I had to survive. Once their country did not have the sounds of war. It was peaceful; it was beautiful.Who knew of Agent Orange? Who knew how many children would die, how many orphaned in their rice fields? How many starved to death.?Once they were men tending the fields, freely struggling to take care of their families. I salute them , for once they were innocent  kids,once they were human too! Now we all have to heal. How many of them had a "Sarge" in their lives to help them come back to being a simple man?. Someday, I too will be able to say:" That was another lifetime.  Now I am home again, now I am whole again!"

America, Peace Calls to Thee!

America, peace calls to thee!
As the winds softly blow
The wind chimes call to me
When the birds sing
Their songs call to me

A majestic cardinal alights my trees
Virginia calls to me
I sense her waters beneath my feet
Virginia calls to me

In this crisp summer morn
For peace I  am more than grateful
All our fallen heroes I mourn
For all our injured, maimed, forgotten I cry

I hear America's thunderous jets fly by
I am by their power transformed, transfixed
I am by freedom's elegance renewed
Freedom calls to me

America, freedom takes its heavy toll
Here and in foreign lands
Someone traditionally, sadly takes roll call
For America will again and again takes her stand

We hear, we feel a forlorn bugle call
Courage must by all be worn
America will weather all man made or political storm
Liberty for all, must be our resounding call
America shall never be broken!
I still believe

We need not don a soldier's medals
Or wear his stripes
Or march in victorious parades
Simply bow down our heads
For our forgotten heroes...our dead

America, God has blessed thee
America, peace calls to thee!
I still believe

Love is Invincible

Love is invincible, love is invincible
Love is invincible, love is invincible

I've lived in sunshine, I've known the rain
I lived with joy and I have known pain
I've known love's  tenderness, sweet caress
I have been blessed, I have been blessed

I've known the peace of a lullaby, I've learned to sigh
I've known the peace of a lullaby and learned to fly
I've known the void of the last goodbye and learned to cry
I've known the void of the last goodbye and learned to die..

Still I believe,still I believe
Still I believe, still I believe
Where there is sorrow and when there is pain
Love, will sustain
Where there is sorrow and when there is pain
Love will remain

Love is the miracle, love is the miracle
Love is the miracle, love is the miracle
I still believe, I still believe
I still believe, I still believe

Love is invincible, love is invincible
Love is invincible, love is the miracle
Love is the miracle!