MY NAME IS FRED

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL
I HEARD FATHER SAY
CHASE BUTTERFLIES AND PLAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS
REMEMBER, THE ROSES IN OUR BACK YARD
YOU, MY DAUGHTER, JUST KEEP SINGING YOUR SONGS

LET THE MEN FLY, FLY HIGH
LET THE MEN SEARCH FOR RICHES AND FAME
YOU, MY DAUGHTER, JUST HONOR OUR NAME
CAUSE THE COSMOS, THE COSMOS
STILL WILL BE THERE

FOLLOW THE RAINBOWS WHERE EVER IT GOES
AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT AT HOME
YOU, MY DAUGHTER, JUST HONOR HIS NAME
CAUSE THE COSMOS, THE COSMOS
STILL WILL BE THERE

YOU KEEP ON SINGING
AND PLAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS
REMEMBER THE ROSES IN OUR BACK YARD
LET THE MEN, FLY, FLY HIGH

REMEMBER ALL THAT I'VE SAID
NEVER FORGET WHAT I TRIED TO TEACH
i AM YOUR FATHER, YOUR PAPI
I AM YOUR DADDY, YOUR PAPA
MY NAME IS FRED...

OUR TOMORROWS

I MIGHT SEE YOU A DAY PAST  TOMORROW
DON'T ASK FOR ANY TOMORROWS
THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES...
TOMORROW WILL MEAN I AM NO LONGER HERE
TOMORROW WOULD BE TOO SOON


AND DAY AFTER TOMORROW, ALSO TOO SOON
IT WOULD ONLY BRING YOU EMPTINESS
WILL ONLY BRING YOU SADNESS AND TEARS
BETTER, YET, WAIT ,PERHAPS FOR  A YEAR
YOU CAN WAIT A YEAR, DARLIN'
CAN YOU WAIT FOR JUST ONE MORE YEAR?
I PROMISE I WILL RETURN
MY DALIN', I PROMISE I WILL RETURN...

I HAVE GONE, GONE TO WAR
I HAVE GONE TWICE BEFORE
THIS TIME I HAVE YOU TO COME HOME TO
THIS TIME I HAVE YOU...
SO YOU SEE,DARLIN', JUST KNOW
IF YOU WRITE, IF YOU WAIT
I'LL BE BACK, PERHAPS IN A YEAR
DARLIN, MY DARLIN', PLEASE
TELL ME YOU CAN WAIT FOR A YEAR
MAYBE TWO

I PROMISE, I WILL RETURN
FROM WAR
I WILL RETURN CAUSE OF YOU
I WILL RETURN CAUSE OF YOU!
I'LL RETURN CAUSE NOW IN MY LIFE THERE IS YOU...
IN ALL MY TOMORROWS, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE YOU
DARLIN', MY DARLIN', PLEASE TELL ME IT IS TRUE
PLEASE TELLME , IT WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE!

BLESSED WAS I/ BLESSED AM I

Blessed am I, for you were my father
Blessed am I, for you loved my mother
Blessed was I, for you gave me life
Blessed am I, for you taught me to look
To the stars...
In your gentleness, you told me all  the answers
To life's questions would be found there
If I studied, if I challenged, if I dared
All the science, the cosmos,
The spirit  and God!
Blessed am I,  for you taught me a desire to learn
Greater still, you taught me to love ...
Blessed was I
Blessed  am I...

I Don't Claim to Understand , All That Makes A Man a Man

Lyrics
I DON'T CLAIM TO UNDERSTAND, WHAT MAKES A MAN,  A MAN
BUT LOVING YOU,  CAME EASY
I DON'T CLAIM TO UNDERSTAND, ALL THAT MAKES A MAN, A MAN
BUT LOVING YOU , CAME EASY...
I HAD TO LOVE YOU,  FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU

I HAD TO LOVE YOU,  FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU
IN THE WISDOM OF YOUR WORDS,  I HEARD MY FATHER
IN YOUR ZEST FOR LIFE,  I SAW MY BROTHER
IN YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF MY FLAWS,  I SAW MY MOTHER

I HAD TO LOVE YOU , FROM THE MOMENT I MET YOU
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU MADE MY DREAMS COME TRUE
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU BROUGHT SUNSHINE TO MY LIFE
I SEE IT IN OUR CHILDREN'S EYES
IN THEIR YOUTHFUL CONFIDENCE,  I SEE YOUR SMILE, I SEE YOUR STANCE
IN THEIR YOUTHFUL CONFIDENCE,  I FEEL YOUR LOVE, I FEEL YOUR STRENGTH!
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU BROUGHT SUNSHINE TO MY LIFE!

WE HAD AN ORDINARY LIFE: A MOTHER, A SOLDIER'S BRIDE
WE HAD AN ORDINARY LIFE: A SOLDIER, A SOLDIER'S, LIFE
AND THE YEARS WE'VE BEEN APART
WITH AN ACHE IN MY HEART,  I'D LET YOU GO,
 I'D LET YOU GO, I'D LET YOU GO

I'D LET YOU GO, FOR LOVE,  HONOR AND PRIDE
I'D LET YOU GO FOR LOVE, COUNTRY AND PRIDE
OTHER SOLDIER'S WIVES STILL KNOW
THE PAIN OF LETTING GO, THEY LET THEM GO

THEY LET THEM GO, FOR LOVE, COUNTRY AND PRIDE
THEY LET THEM GO, FOR LOVE, COUNTRY AND PRIDE
THIS I KNOW, THIS I KNOW
I'VE BEEN A SOLDIER'S WIFE...
I'VE BEEN A SOLDIER'S WIFE

I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU FILLED MY HOME WITH PRIDE
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, YOU FILLED MY HEART WITH PRIDE!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES A MAN A MAN,
BUT LOVING YOU CAME EASY

DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES A SOLDIER A MAN
BUT LOVING ONE, CAME EASY
BUT LOVING ONE , CAME EASY
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU
I HAD TO LOVE YOU, FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU!

Unshared Futility/ Unshared Pain

IT SADDENED ME,
AFTER HIS DEATH, SADDENED ME MORE...

THIS GREAT, DEAR, HUSBAND OF MINE
DID NOT SHARE HIS GREATEST BURDENS
A SOLDIER, BY PROFESSION,
PROTECTING ME AND MINE
HIS ULTIMATE GOAL

AND ME, STILL NAIVE,  FOREVER OPTIMISTIC...
STILL,  ONLY THINKING  AND REMEMBERING OUR SHARED DREAMS
AND OF DREAMS AND PERSONAL GOALS
I , YET ,STILL  TO FULFILL
A STRUGGLE MADE MORE DIFFICULT BY HIS ABSENCE
RESIGNATION, MY ONLY BURDEN
KNOWING TOO WELL, THE ACHE OF ACCEPTANCE.
THE HEAVINESS IN MY HEART
THE BITTER SWEET PILL OF RESIGNATION

I NEVER REALLY KNEW ALL HIS BURDENS
HOW COULD I?
HE WOULD RETURN FROM WAR WITH A SIMPLE, "HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
I'M HOME!"
HE NEVER SHARED, NEVER SPOKE, NEVER GIVING ME ANY DETAILS
OF THE HORROR,  DEATH , DECIMATION, VIOLENCE
ALL THAT IS INHUMANE ENTAILS

WHY DID HE FEEL HE HAD ALWAYS TO SHIELD ME?
WHY DID HE NOT UNBURDEN ALL
WE HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR SO LONG, AFTER ALL
WAS THIS HIS WAY OF LOVING ME?

HE KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT CHILDREN, ABOUT LIFE
CHILDREN HAD BEEN GOD'S GIFT TO ME,  MY LIFE!
BUT HE NEVER TALKED OF WAR
TO HIM, IT WAS ANOTHER LIFE
A LIFE THAT HAD BEEN HIS,  NOT MINE
BUT. LATER I FOUND OUT THAT HE TOO HAD TAKEN A CHILD'S LIFE
PERHAPS MORE
NOT DIRECTLY, BUT IN CARRYING OUT HIS DUTY
IN PROTECTING, GUIDING HIS MEN
IN GIVING ORDERS HE HAD TO GIVE
WITH RADIOS, COMMUNICATIONS
BY HELICOPTER..I CAN ONLY NOW GUESS

DID HE NOT TRUST ME TO FORGIVE?
DID HE NOT TRUST ME TO UNDERSTAND?
DID HE WORRY THAT I WOULD BE DEPRESSED?
I DID UNDERSTAND, THAT  WAR AND IN VIET  NAM
ONCE HOME...
HE WAS IMMOBILIZED
HE HID , IMMERSED IN HIS BOOKS, IN HIS THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE
KNOWLEDGE HE LOVED TO IMPART
A TRUE, NATURAL TEACHER


FOR THE THINGS HE SAW, THE THINGS HE DID
AND FOR WHAT WAR HAD DONE TO HIM
TO HIS FRIENDS
THE DEATH OF OUR PERSONAL FRIENDS
AND TO ALL OUR SOLDIERS
ONLY TO THOSE SOLDIERS THAT HAD BEEN THERE WITH HIM
THOSE THAT SURVIVED, I WOULD HEAR THE ECHO
OF MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING
"WAR IS A BITCH!"
ALMOST IN SECRET, THEY AGREED
DRINKING COFFEE AT OUR KITCHEN TABLE
SMOKING AWAY. AS IF THE SMOKE WOULD CARRY THE MEMORIES AWAY...
 AND KNOWING THERE WAS NO MORE TO SAY

BUT IT IS THE BURDEN OF HIS OWN
STRENGTH
THE BURDEN OF HIS OWN SILENCE
THAT HE HAD TO ENDURE
MY SWEET, SWEET, "SARGE"... MY SOLDIER OF MINE
A MAN OF PEACE,  IN A WORLD AT WAR
"TO NO MAN, DO HARM", HE TRIED TO TEACH
AND EVEN IN THAT
HE FELL  SHORT; HE FELT HE HAD FAILED

OFTEN BEING TOO HARSH ON HIS SONS
A MAN DOES NOT APOLOGIZE. A MAN LEARNS
HE WOULD TELL ME
A WORLDLY  MAN, WHOSE WORLD WAS HIS CHILDREN
AND A WIFE WHO WAITED

HE DIED A HERO'S DEATH
HE DIED, QUIETLY,
HE DIED SWEETLY IN MY ARMS.
I STILL HAVE A VIVID MEMORY OF  HIS  TENDERNESS IN OUR LAST KISS
I STILL TASTE THE MOISTENED SWEETNESS OF HIS MOUTH

HE PUT DOWN THE LAST BOOK HE WAS CARRYING,
NO LASTING  WORDS OF LOVE.
THIS WAS NOT A GREAT PLAY OR ROMANCE BOOK
THIS HAD BEEN OUR LIFE
ME, ALWAYS REMEMBERING THE STRONG FLAVOR OF COFFEE ON HIS LIPS

HE CAME INTO MY LIFE LIKE A PRINCE
AND HE WAS WEARING A DAZZLING  WHILE UNIFORM,
HE HAD BEEN A MEDIC AT THE TIME
AND WE WERE MARRIED WITHIN 10 DAYS
I WAS SWEPT OFF MY FEET!

AND HE DIED LIKE A KING, IN MY ARMS
HE SIMPLY FOLDED  BACK INTO MY BODY
"JOHNNY, I CAN'T HOLD YOU. I CAN'T HOLD YOU,SWEETHEART!"
"DON'T LEAVE ME", I BEGGED
I HAD  NEVER CALLED HIM JOHNNY BEFORE
AND NO MATTER THAT I TOLD HIM ALMOST DAILY, THAT I LOVED HIM
I WISHED HE HAD HEARD IT FROM ME  ONE MORE TIME
AS IF HE WOULD HEAR IT FOR ALL ETERNITY
PERHAPS, PERHAPS...
IT IS WITH THAT HOPE, I LIVE

A friend once told me" Your husband was a man,  among men!";and ,yes, he was.
It is the soldier my children never really knew, for they came later in his life. But I will continue to write so that they too will understand , not only the father, but the man. My beautiful daughters and my sons are and have been my continued personal heroes. It is a very strange time and place in which to live,  to find that my own children have become, like their  father,heroes of mine.
                                                                                                          Zoila Masiak