Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Sounds of Viet Nam

 The sounds of a helicopter, in peace time...as a soldier's wife, music to my ears. It  is different than during the war. There they come with only  loud, roaring sounds of the engine; and to a soldier inside, the whirl of the propeller, the hard slicing of the wind it creates. In Viet Nam, the sounds come with the swoosh of golden rice fields as you fly  too close to the earth, bullets with the horror of gun fire too close by, of soldiers  yelling, screaming. Thinking, is this a war cry? Who taught us this god awful sound, did we hear it in the movies, on TV?  Is this real? Am I the one screaming?
Soldiers are screaming in pain, some just strangely whimpering. There is no more horrific sound than a man wreathing in pain and the sound of his gasping last breath! The rockets are flying and only the experienced ones can judge the distance, know how much time they have to take cover, to throw their bodies to the ground, to cover their heads, often to realize they are being protected by the buddy now dying, shamefully using their now still, limp bodies for more protection.. No  time to think, no time for sympathy:. You lie to yourself, you convince yourself that you will help your  next buddy live; your next man you will help stay alive. You find yourself sobbing, but for whom or for what,  for gratitude that you are alive or the man next to you.? His gasping is too loud, the blood is too much! "Let him die quickly, Lord", is the only prayer you can muster. His is dying is too loud. I cover both ears hard. Hope that it will help, but it doesn't...
  I was only 18, what did I know, what do I understand of this alien world? I was trained, I relished in my accomplishment. I knew I was a good soldier; but this, why didn't the bastards prepare me for this?!They convinced me  I was the best of the best.Why was I not prepared for the last breath my buddies took?" I am just a kid!"I was not prepared for torn bodies, pieces of flesh...of babies crying in the distance.
How about the helplessness, the void, the sounds. I cover my ears, again and again. Let me out of here!I am no longer human.I don't smell like me. I don't breath like a human being. I have been reduced to this? For what? I don't feel peace. I don't know freedom. I am caged in the hard wire of my training and the sounds of Viet Nam. Only another soldier knows, we feel, we are angry, only we never speak of war...
I knew only one experienced soldier who understood. Only one man with whom I could share and even "Sarge" never had to kill another human being, "mano a mano", throw a grenade from a bridge, stab a soldier in his gut.Christ! This is an old man forced to wear the Vietnamese uniform.What have I done? This is the prize of saving my life?...I throw a grenade. It hits and the explosion follows, death follows. Is it three soldiers? Is it another old man forced to don a uniform? ... Is it just a man with his wife and child? The orders were given. Do not let anyone get through. "God let there not be a child too!" I threw my grenade , another hit. . Another  explosion follows. I only see floating pieces of wood and is it clothing? My brain feels hot.It is burning .I hate being a soldier!Fuck this war!What has the Army done to me? They did not tell me about this  fucking, damned shit! I am just a kid. I am just a kid! Father, I am sorry! Mother, help me...
But "Sarge" understood...he listened through the years. He let me talk; he let me cry. He let my voice quiver, holding back the pain.  He knew of men dying, of men crying ,of holding their hands, of kneeling besides them, closing their eyes, as a soldier breathed his last breath. "Sarge" would no longer cry as he knelt by another young man dying...Too many died , too many without a chance to say good by to their buddies, to see their families again.;the Chaplain giving the last rites, to the believer and the unbeliever, knowing they were , we are all children of God. He could still allow a man's tears to fall from his sorrowful, mournful eyes.Each death, another burden he would carry to the alter ...if he survived. They all knew the sounds of Viet Nam, the smell of rotting bodies.,blood in our hands, the heavy thick blood when it was our own. The indecent rapture realizing when it was not your blood.We are no longer human! I think to myself...I survived and I still hear the men screaming, the enemy attacking, still smell the smells. I don't want to remember, but I do.
I had been in a ditch faced down, another soldier pulling me out by the heel. I had been out,I don't know for how long. I remember falling out of the helicopter as it made a hard left turn. I heard  the sound of my body hitting the ground. I had fallen 50 feet. I had been wearing my radio equipment, all my gear... I remember the pain, thinking , my  body is broken! I was saved by my equipment and our men. But I never again felt free...
The Vietnamese soldiers were not my enemy...we were  fellow soldiers. And I had to kill them, had to hate them. I had to survive. Once their country did not have the sounds of war. It was peaceful; it was beautiful.Who knew of Agent Orange? Who knew how many children would die, how many orphaned in their rice fields? How many starved to death.?Once they were men tending the fields, freely struggling to take care of their families. I salute them , for once they were innocent  kids,once they were human too! Now we all have to heal. How many of them had a "Sarge" in their lives to help them come back to being a simple man?. Someday, I too will be able to say:" That was another lifetime.  Now I am home again, now I am whole again!"

Saturday, August 20, 2011

America, Peace Calls to Thee!

America, peace calls to thee!
As the winds softly blow
The wind chimes call to me
When the birds sing
Their songs call to me

A majestic cardinal alights my trees
Virginia calls to me
I sense her waters beneath my feet
Virginia calls to me

In this crisp summer morn
For peace I  am more than grateful
All our fallen heroes I mourn
For all our injured, maimed, forgotten I cry

I hear America's thunderous jets fly by
I am by their power transformed, transfixed
I am by freedom's elegance renewed
Freedom calls to me

America, freedom takes its heavy toll
Here and in foreign lands
Someone traditionally, sadly takes roll call
For America will again and again takes her stand

We hear, we feel a forlorn bugle call
Courage must by all be worn
America will weather all man made or political storm
Liberty for all, must be our resounding call
America shall never be broken!
I still believe

We need not don a soldier's medals
Or wear his stripes
Or march in victorious parades
Simply bow down our heads
For our forgotten heroes...our dead

America, God has blessed thee
America, peace calls to thee!
I still believe

Love is Invincible

Love is invincible, love is invincible
Love is invincible, love is invincible

I've lived in sunshine, I've known the rain
I lived with joy and I have known pain
I've known love's  tenderness, sweet caress
I have been blessed, I have been blessed

I've known the peace of a lullaby, I've learned to sigh
I've known the peace of a lullaby and learned to fly
I've known the void of the last goodbye and learned to cry
I've known the void of the last goodbye and learned to die..

Still I believe,still I believe
Still I believe, still I believe
Where there is sorrow and when there is pain
Love, will sustain
Where there is sorrow and when there is pain
Love will remain

Love is the miracle, love is the miracle
Love is the miracle, love is the miracle
I still believe, I still believe
I still believe, I still believe

Love is invincible, love is invincible
Love is invincible, love is the miracle
Love is the miracle!





Sunday, August 7, 2011

I Don't Claim to Understand , All That Makes A Man a Man

I don't claim to understand, all that makes a man a man
But loving you came easy
I don't claim to understand, all that makes a man a man
But loving you came easy
I had to love you from the first day I met you
I had to love you from the first day I met you

In the wisdom of your words, I heard my father
In your zest for life, I saw my brother
In your acceptance of my flaws, I recalled my mother
I had to love you, you made my dreams come true
I had to love you, you made my dreams come true

I had to love you, you brought sunshine to my life
I see it in our children's eyes
In their youthful confidence, I see your smile
I see your stance
In their youthful confidence, I see your love
I feel your strength


I had to love you, you made my dreams come true
I had to love you, you filled my home with pride
I had to love you, you filled my heart with pride

We had an ordinary life
A soldier, a soldier's bride
A soldier's life
And the years we've been  apart
With an ache in my heart
I'd let you go...I'd let you go
I'd let you go for love honor and pride

Other soldier's wives still know
The pain of letting go

They let them go for love, country and pride
This I know, this I know...
I've been a soldier's wife

I don't claim to understand
All that makes a man a man
But loving you came easy
I had to love you
From the day I first met you
I had to love you
You made my dreams come true
I had to love you...
You made my dreams come true

Friday, July 29, 2011

Let the Four Winds Blow

Let the four winds blow
Let the four winds blow
Let the four winds blow
Let the four winds blow

Run, run and catch the winds
Run, run and catch the winds
Hold the hand of your best friend
Run,run and catch the winds

Over calm waters or tempest seas
Run, run and catch the winds
Run, run and catch the winds
Over calm waters or tempest seas

Let the four winds blow
Let the four winds blow
Run, run and catch the winds
Run, run and catch your dreams

Run , run  and catch your dreams
Over calm waters or tempest seas
Run, run and catch your dreams
Run, run and catch your dreams

Let the four winds blow
Let the four winds blow
Run, run and catch the winds
Run, run and catch your dreams...your dreams   

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Everywhere I Go

Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of you
Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of you
I turn around, knowing you won't be there
I turn around, knowing you won't be there


I turn around hoping  to catch a glimpse of you
I turn around knowing you won't be there
Still, I turn around, I turn around to find a glimpse of you

Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of you
Everywhere I go, I'm reminded  of what used to be
When you were you, and you and I were we
Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of what used to be
When you were you and you and I were we

I turn around knowing you won't be there
Still, I turn around hoping  to find a glimpse of you
Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of you
Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of what used to be
When you were you and you and I were we

Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of you
Everywhere I go, I see you and you're not there
Everywhere I go, I see you and you're  not there
Everywhere I go, I still feel loved by you
Everywhere I go, I still feel loved by you!

This would have been our 48th Anniversary...missed everyday!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

"Sweetness Met"

I came in the door
I stayed only a short while
I was greeted witha a strangers's smile
"Miss,she said,the flowers in your hair,your dress...
It's ike Spring came in!"
Slightly cought off guard,
I replied"I love Spring!"
What a lovely way to be greeted.
Iwon't soon forget the strangers's kind words
But,further still, it was her welcoming smile that moved me
Howsweet,how kind,I thought...
There isn't a much more beautiful way to start a day
Than the sweetness in passing
Blessed are those that are not timid
Togive gatitudeto a stranger
Whose flowers gave them joy

For it reminded her that in her dreary day of work
A strangercould simply walk in
And remind them of what lay just a step outside...
Glorious,glorious, unequaled Spring!

It gave a slight gate to my walk
The earths's energy burning at my feet!
I am like a child again,wanting to play
So,I simply went home and rested a while
And then opened our back doors wide
And I took a deep enlivening breath
And I started to sing and sing
Oh,though,glorious,most spacious and welcoming Spring!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Once in a Lifetime..

All that could be heard was the splashing,rhythmic thud against the small skiff.In the distance the occasional cries of sea gulls,almost musical, a seaman's lullaby.All else was surreal,serene.
 
John was dressed in his usual waterman's attire,white boots,white t shirt and his navy colored work pants. His black working gloves were missing.His strong veined hands were a subdued copper brown,his face almost expressionless.The weight of his sorrow engraved in his being, too deep to describe.His eyes on the water,searching intently,studying the expanse of his view,as he had done for so many years as Captain of his vessels.

His younger brother,Peter,was never noticed until he neared the boat---face down,arms and legs afloat,his t shirt curiously bulging slightly.His boots were missing.Peter was slight of built; only his soft curls could distinguish him from the rest of his brothers.

John steps towards the edge and grabs him effortlessly.Once on the boat,the added weight increases the thud,thud of of the swaying,rocking skiff.And the sea gulls now were giving the forlorn song of the sea.
John cradles his younger brother for a short while.He gently touches Peter's salt-laden hair. He knew what he had to do. He lifts him higher and higher to the skies.His face streaked in a man's tears.
 
John's body changes as did his clothes. There is a golden glow from all directions. The morning mist subsides as if whisked by a gentle wind. John is no longer himself,but an all powerful loving being,his hair to his shoulders,a robe ablaze in the rainbow's hues and a radiant face with soft loving tears falling from his mournful eyes.He lifts Peter to the heavens higher and higher; Peter is now a swaddled babe,with a broad smile of pure delight and his eyes are sparkling with new life. They were the same eyes with which he had greeted the world all his life.The baptismal purity of his innocence and joy is all that can be distinguished. Sweet mirth abounds.All is still. Captain John is back on his boat alone.Only the sounds of the water,the sea and the solemn winds remain. I woke up never to have this dream again.
 
I now walk the beaches of Virginia and I hear the sea gulls and their lullaby for my son Peter...

I wrote this in celebration of Peter's life and birthday,April 18,2011. Love is the miracle that brings peace to death. 
 
Adios,Zoila

Friday, April 1, 2011

Comet in the Sky/lyrics

When I see a single bird in flight
I remember you
When I see a single bird in flight
I remember you

In the magic of my star filled nights
I remember you, I remember you
In the magic of my star filled nights
I remember you, I remember you

Like a comet in the sky
You came into my life
Like a comet in the sky
You passed me by
You met your destiny and now you're free
And now you're free
You met your destiny and now you're free
And now you're free

And I am left with only golden memories
And I am left with only golden memories
In the marshes and beauty of the Chesapeake Bay
I remember you
In the horizon and sunsets of our Brown's Bay
I remember you

When I see a deadrise sail by
I remember you, I remember you
When I see the watermen ,at work or play
I remember you
When I see fishermen , with the catches of the day
I remember you

Like a comet in the sky, you came into my life
Like a comet in the sky, you were gone too soon
Like a comet in the sky, you came into my life
Like a comet in the sky, you were gone too soon

You met your destiny and now you're free
And now you're free
And I am left with only a mother's memories
And I am left with only a mother's memories

In the abundance and beauty of Virginia
I remember you, I remember you
In the waters and  glory of Virginia
I remember you; I remember you

I can't forget your smiling face
And the strength of your embrace
I can't forget your smiling face
And the love in your embrace

I won't forget your smiling face
And the love in your embrace...
I can't forget your smiling face
And the love in your embrace...

We're All Just Passing Through /lyrics

We're all just passing through;we're all just passing through
We're all just passing through;we're all just passing through
 Hold out  your hand, every man's your friend
 Hold out  your hand, every man's your friend

Be good to your sons; be good to all boys
Be good to your sons; be good to all boys
Be good to all boys, they're God's golden joy

Smile at little girls
Be good to your girls
Be good to your girls, love all little girls...
Love all little girls
They're God's magic pearls

We're all just passing through
We're all just passing through ...

We're born free,free to choose
We're born free, free to choose
We're born free, free to lead
We're born free,free to lead
To lead towards war, to lead towards peace
To lead towards war, to lead towards peace!

Be good to your friends
Be good to your neighbors
Be good to all neighbors
Be good to all Nations
We're all just passing through
We're all just passing through

Be good to you friends,be good to all Nations
Be good to all neighbors,be good to all Nations
Be good to all Nations, we are all of God's creation
Be good to all Nations,we are all of God's creation

Love shall overcome, love shall overcome
Love shall overcome,love shall overcome
Peace shall overcome, peace shall overcome
We're all just passing through
We're all just passing through ...

Be good to all Nations
We're all of God's creation
Be good to all Nations
We're all of God's creation!

We're all just passing through
We're all just passing through
We're all just passing through...
             

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Someday,I Won't Cry Anymore /lyrics

I've heard said, I've been told, that someday I won't cry anymore
I've heard said,I've been told, that someday I won't cry anymore
But for today, I  am sighing again
But for today, I am crying again

I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you, and you loved only me
I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you, and you loved only me

I've heard said, I've been told, that someday I won't cry anymore
When that time ever comes, it will be at the end of my years
When I have no more cares, when I have no more fears
When that time ever comes, it will be at the end of my years
When I have no more cares, when I have no more tears

I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you and you saw only me
I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you and you saw only me

I still dance, I still sing; I still laugh I still smile
But all the while, I am still missing you
But all the while, I am still missing you

 
I still dance, I still sing, I still laugh, I still smile
But all the while, my heart breaks in two
But all the while, my heart breaks in t

I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you
And you looked up at me
You were my rising star, infused in my life
You were part of my sun,
My precious one

You were our shinning star, infused in the light
You were part of our the sun, our precious son
You were our shinning star, infused in the light
You were part of our sun, our precious son

I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you and you looked up at me
I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you, and you loved only me...

I heard said,  I've been told  that someday, I won't cry anymore
But for today, I 'm sighing again
But for today, I'm crying again
I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you, and you loved only me

I remember how sweet life could be
When I held you, and you loved only me...


 ..








Thursday, March 17, 2011

"Emerald Eyes"

Emerald eyes,emerald eyes
Are my baby's eyes
Emerald eyes,emerald eyes
Are my baby's eyes
Glorious as morning dew,emerald eyes never say good bye
Emerald eyes,never say a'deu
Emerald eyes,never say a'deu,never say a'deu!

Oh,child of mine,oh,child of mine
With your charming face
I hold you, and I want to sing: I hold you and I want to sing
I hold you and my heart's ablaze!
Oh,sweet child of mine,sweet,sweet love you bring

Oh,child of mine,oh,child of mine
When you reach for me
I'm in another world,and I am filled with grace
I'm in another realm,I am filled with grace!
When I am near you,I'm enamored with your smiling face

I see life reflected in your impish,Irish face
I see love reflected in your sweet,sweet face
I 'm captured by your glorious Irish face
I'm in another world, in the magic of your emerald space
I'm in another realm, captured by your angel's face

Emerald eyes,emerald eyes,never say good bye
Emerald eyes,emerald eyes,never say good bye...


Happy St. Patric's Day! My grandfather or Tata was Irish. In his memory and to celebrate all my grand children who still carry the Irish genes.And especially for Christina Grace Masiak, with her so very Irish face.And I also wish her a Happy Birthday!






















emeral

Are my baby's face

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

My Simple Offering

If I should,again, by life be humiliated
If I should,again,by life be humbled...
And,again, be brought to my knees
O,Lord, let it become
A simple offering to Thee!
For it was there you set me free
It was there I learned to accept my immeasurable  loss
It was there I found peace
It was there I learned I was still worthy of love
And better still,
I could love again!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

My Personal Path

If every man's death diminishes me
What does war do to my soul?
If I am saddened,if I cry;I cry for peace

What must I do?
I've known bliss
I've known despair.Yet You touched me and I feel free!

Why did I have to lose my precious son,my wonder of a boy?
I felt lost.I felt alone; I lived though in a precipitous void
Is contentment and the vision of God's Light
Only for the chosen few?
God,grant me Thine Direction...

Has my life in its Autumnal end
Have lessons others might want to attain?
Have mercy on me
Let my sorrow and pain
Not have been in vain!

Show me the way;lighten my path
Let me become"an instrument of Thine peace"
So in my solemn end,I'll know, You smiled upon me
I will end my life in sweet joy and sublime peace...
by Zoila Masiak
















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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Green Leaves Forty Plus Years Later

In my senior year,at Manteca High School, I spearheaded a writing and poetry magazine.It was named Green Leaves.I understand that it was published for 20 years. I was so pleased to find that out; and the last copy was dedicated to me. I was amazed. I want to attempt the same here on this blog ,for the need to express ourselves never fades. In this new world of high tech and an ever changing society and world, we need a place to rest our weary hearts and minds. Writing and poetry does that for me still. It is a world of introspection and observation. I feel the need to share my life's experience and for us to share with one another.
This will be a site to get to know our fellow man from all walks of life. I hope it will be a place to connect,to increase our sense of community, to be part of the evolution of mutual friendship and understanding. If there ever be lasting peace,it will have to come through our communal effort, "for it is in giving that we receive."There is a greater world beyond the now and beyond the me.
I am a strong believer of the power of the pen. Each of us has gifts to share. We are unique individuals with the power to make this world and our country a beacon of hope,endurance and courage. We are the stewards of this planet and only we can save ourselves from ourselves.
All thoughts and divergent ideas will be welcomed. I want this to be a place for people of all ages, all creeds and differences. This, I hope, will be a blog for all who seek betterment of ourselves and our fellow readers and writers. We may not all be gifted or professional authors,but we are professional at living.
Sincerely,Zoila Masiak